Dealing with grief and saying goodbye to Prince

On the morning of April 21, 2016, my phone lit up with alerts stating reporting there was something amiss at Paisley Park. My stomach sank because about a week before Prince’s plane had made an unexpected landing. The news outlets were reporting that he had been taken to the hospital. Shortly after he seemingly recovered he announced to fans to wait a few days to waste their prayers on him. It was cryptic but that was Prince. He was master of the game of scintillation. When it was officially confirmed that he had died I could only stare numbly at my computer. 

I didn’t know him personally but felt personally affected. Prince’s music had gotten me through the rough and lonely years of middle school and high school. His music guided me through every breakup and all my happy times. In my 20s when I sang in bands, his music was my warm up. I would play “I Would Die 4 U”, “Baby I’m a Star” and “Purple Rain,” before walking on stage. He was my constant. 

As the news of his demise became real I grew more saddened because it was revealed that he had been alone when he died. Soon there were whispers that he had been battling an opioid addiction. Leaving some to label him a typical musician with a problem. 

How could the man who had been so much to so many be found underdressed by an elevator? In that cryptic message was he saying goodbye or was he planning on entering into treatment? Was he wanting our prayers then to get through it?

I may not know the answers but I do know that at some point someone that we love will perish. So coping with loss is a necessary skill. Dealing with loss can even be the tool that helps us to find ourselves. 

Grief as a tool to growth

It has been found that those who experience difficult times such as divorce or death tend to come out on the other side better and stronger for it. Researchers at Oregon State University (OSU) surmised that how a person deals with those struggles helps to shape the development of their wisdom over time.  

While dealing with how I felt about Prince’s untimely death I decided to read Mayte Garcia’s book The Most Beautiful: My Life with Prince. It seems that she has chosen to take us through their love story as a way to heal. Although at times Garica’s memories are slanted it is apparent that they had shared a connection.

It is obvious that the world lost a talent, a genius, a brilliant human being when Prince died. For  Garcia, she lost her first love, her friend and the person that helped to shape her.

She chronicles how they met, how they fell in love, lost a child and ultimately grew apart. She gives us a glimpse into their life together and also the grief they experienced. Garcia and Prince lost their child shortly after it was born. They also subsequently suffered a miscarriage. A lot of pain for two people to bear. From her account, Prince had a hard time dealing with those losses, which isn’t surprising. And neither did she. 

Coming to terms with reality

There are times you want to reach in and save her from her fanciful thoughts and tearful experiences but they are her journey. It is obvious that their relationship was a complicated one but you would expect that from someone as intense as Prince. Based on his music he was a genius and a complicated man. His lyrics recount abuse he experienced as a child (Papa) suffered from epilepsy (The Sacrifice of Victor). Though he did go on to rule the music world with a sound all his own, his childhood was always a part of what he created.

Garcia feels that this loss isn’t forever and that this is just one of the many lifetimes that they will spend together, and that’s beautiful. Now whether you believe that or not really doesn’t matter because we all deal with grief the best we can. Her growth throughout the pages of the book is obvious which is what most of us want. As for me, I am still healing.

He was a beautiful star that came and went much too fast.